(Exhibit A: Playing into a myth about feminism)
Q: What are the most important (but often lost) messages of feminism today?
A: The core messages of feminism are lost in the barrage of myths and misunderstanding about the movement. Let’s go through some of the basic myths that you have bought into – to one degree or another – that obscure the insights of and intentions of feminism.
(Side note: The picture on the right makes me shake my head. For more examples google image search “feminism demotivational.” When you see posters like this, imagine looking at them with your six-year old daughter. Or imagine sending this message to your mother. What are we teaching each other here? Hopefully this article will help improve the situation, in whatever small amount. Please pass along.)
6 Myths of Feminism:
1. It’s just about women.
It’s not. The feminist movement at its heart is a movement to heal long standing wounds and conflicts in all members of society – male and female.
When a boy is bullied for being ‘effeminate,’ it shows how much we devalue and disrespect feminine characteristics. We think of the feminine as weak, over-emotional, moody, and trivial.
The truth is that feminine power – integral to creativity, inspiration, connection with each other and nature, birth, nurturing, beauty, and wisdom – is vital to a healthy society that upholds confidence, integrity and peace in the lives of its members.
2. Women can, and should, out-compete men.
This is tragic misunderstanding of what we can offer ourselves and each other as men and women. While certainly men and women are equally capable of doing most (nearly all?) jobs, each may bring a different perspective or quality to their work.
For example, police teams with male and female officers are much less likely to instigate or experience physical violence in the call of duty.There are also reports that female officers are better at assisting female victims. Of course law enforcement will be more effective, trustworthy, and therefore more respected with an increase in feminine influence.
A women’s perspective in politics, design, product development, science, marketing, sustainability, or anything else will be different because of her unique gifts and experience as a woman – even while fulfilling a traditionally masculine role to the same quality standard.
In the purest yin and yang sense of masculinity and femininity, each plays an important and balancing role on all levels of consciousness – whether we are talking about the physical, reproduction, instincts, and emotions, or the ‘higher’ functions of will, ethics, expression, intellect, and wisdom. There is a masculine and feminine element to all of these higher domains and both are necessary to create a peaceful and truly prosperous society.
We all understand how the feminine and masculine must partner together to reproduce. We don’t often consider the power that comes from involving both ends of the polarity on the levels of intellect, integrity, creativity, or deep contemplation.
So rather than championing some myth about which is the ‘superior sex,’ feminism today seeks to ensure balanced representation and contribution of talents, perspectives and aptitudes in all areas of our society by including appropriate representations of both genders and the valuing and honouring of both feminine and masculine characteristics in all of us.
The same principles are at work to empower the voices and ability of any minority group by inclusion in status positions across the board.
Q: Should representation be 50/50? In government?
A: Not necessarily, though currently having a dominantly female government would be entirely helpful for your society.
Q: Will that ever happen?
A: Chances are, the world will undergo a lot of restructuring first. There are a lot of political, economic, and environmental pressures on the systems of the world and we are likely to see some very substantial changes in the coming years. But that is another story.
Q: So the point is: It’s not that women should work their butts off to be better leaders than men, it’s that both have valuable and important qualities to bring to leadership and both are needed to make effective decisions.
A: Yes. Women and men cannot make intelligent and responsible decisions without understanding and talking to one another. That means working together as leaders.
3. Men need to defend themselves against feminists.
Blaming is a temporary phase that all who feel victimized must go through (think of the stages of grief). It’s not helpful to hold on to blame. Surely by now we ought to realize that men have been equally – if not more – hurt by the imbalance of our society. The disrespect and dishonouring of the feminine has caused a great rift and the repression of qualities that all of us need.
We have all gravely suffered from the repression of the feminine.
The tools and strategies used to restore understanding and honour to the feminine will also be used to restore the pure and aligned meaning of masculinity. It is one healing process and, as we acknowledge and validate one another in our suffering and in our commitment to growth, men and women become powerful teammates.
4. Feminism is an attack on family values.
There is a form or phase of ‘feminism’ that criticizes women for wanting to stay at home, raise children, and play a supportive ‘behind-the-scenes’ role to a husband who is more actively involved in the workforce.
This criticism of homemakers does not help to ‘liberate’ but instead further constricts feminine power.
Feminine support is invaluable. Think of that phrase “Behind every great man is a greater woman.” A woman can do tremendous amounts to support a man’s important work in the world without being a visible figurehead. This is a beautiful honourable, and vital feminine role – but is not the only one.
If we think of a spectrum of masculine vs. feminine characteristics, all people have the capacity to embody qualities of any position in that spectrum. It comes with our abstract and fundamental nature as spiritual beings. However, women tend to be better at embodying the feminine side of the polarity, and vice versa for men. It is right and healthy for people to play out different parts of the polarity at different times of their lives and different times of the day.
The confusion also lies in what we think comprises either end of those poles – for example that masculine means “stoic” and feminine means “weak”
(for a more in-depth discussion on the so-called ‘weakness’ of femininity, read: How Women Will Save the World)
In truth, the sensitive man is more likely, through his heightened tuning to his inner nature and the nature of the world, to embody the highest masculine qualities which are inaccessible to the man who is emotionally numb.
We need to reassert that the femininity offers a profound strength, leadership, and wisdom that is uniquely feminine, harmonious with nurturance and family instincts, and absolutely critical to the health of society.
5. Feminists are ugly or lesbians.
In other words, women become feminists only when they are not beautiful, slim, or sexy enough to succeed in being validated by society as having worth as a woman.
All of us have at least an inkling that something is wrong with how women are treated in the media and in society at large. When we conjure an image of a ‘feminist’ in our minds, we probably don’t think of someone who looks like a supermodel. But the truth is, most women don’t look like supermodels. So if it’s true that most feminists don’t look like Angelina Jolie, it’s because most women don’t!
Our society has homogenized and standardized our ideals of beauty the same way we have done to our consumer products. Our industrialized view has us eating fruits and vegetables of just a few varieties that produce the most uniform sizes and colours (e.g.: the 12 varieties of apples that have the most consistent shape, as opposed to the 7,500+ varieties of apples available) and processed foods are treated with chemical flavourings such that any natural variance is masked by an ultra-uniform taste formula.
Just as we have monopolized our cheese selection with cheddar and mozzarella, so have we cut down our ideals of feminine beauty to just one or two body types.
The deeper problem is that we have misunderstood beauty: women can only be as ugly as they are made to feel. Any woman can embody Aphrodite when she knows that is who she is. This is an inside-out process, where a woman touches her own divine nature as a woman. It cannot occur outside-in, where a woman seeks to jam herself into the glass slipper defined by external sources.
While lesbians have and do play an important role in the feminine movement, the bulk of the energy is with women who are heterosexual, married, and mothers – not to mention husbands, fathers, daughters, sons, brothers, sisters, and yourself.
Your life is a testimony to the power of the feminine – your birth, your sustenance, and the very cells of your body owe their existence to the feminine principle of existence. In the most abstract sense of yin and yang, all of energy and matter are feminine. It is the principle of organization that is inherently masculine. (For more on masculinity and femininity, read How Women Will Save the World).
Any time you seek to improve your life through balance, self-love, introspection and empowerment, you are contributing to the feminist movement.
6. Feminism is over.
This is the idea that since women can work and vote, the battle is over. It’s not.
According to the documentary “Miss Representation,” – (watch the trailer) – the hyper objectification and sexualization of women in today’s media (specifically the last 10 years) is actually a backlash against the progress of feminism. Feminism is definitely an ongoing process.
We’ll know that feminism has accomplished its mission when society values each person inherently and fully supports the holistic development of self-discovery and true self-confidence for all its members.
Q: Hey thanks.
A: You’re welcome.
One Chosen Family 
Janis La Couvée
March 6, 2012
WOW!! Thank you for this very thoughtful post. I’m not sure now where I saw it on the internet (Facebook or Twitter) but you have very cogently outlined the positions.
I will most definitely be sharing.
onechosenfamily
March 6, 2012
Thanks Janis. I appreciate the feedback!
Anonymous Stranger
March 7, 2012
Fantastic! Crisply written, insightful, gets to the heart of the issue and eloquent while it does so. Even the formatting and use (non-overuse) of hyper-linking is pleasing. Nicely done.
onechosenfamily
March 7, 2012
Thank you anonymous stranger 😉
Theron Brandt
March 11, 2012
1. I agree. All people should be feminists, just as all people should be environmentalists, good citizens, volunteers, kind to animals, just and fair, etc. But, to relegate “creativity, inspiration, connection with each other and nature, nurturing, and wisdom” to feminine power is as arbitrary as ascribing those characteristics or say… ambition, integrity, consistency, and clear-headed justice to men. I hope women would be offended to hear some one say the second set of characteristics were not inherently the domain of women, also. Men can and do certainly embody the characteristics (excepting birth which is not a ‘characteristic’, per se) that you list as those of female power just as easily. They are the good human characteristics. To ascribe them to Hindus, or Native Americans, or English teachers, or women as opposed to Buddhists, Serbians, grocery store clerks, or men is insulting to Buddhists, Serbians, grocery store clerks and men.
2. True. Women should not try to outcompete men, just as the French should not try to outcompete the English. People who have a lot of drive will compete with other people who have a lot of drive. Those who don’t won’t. We should instead support those with drive and honor their drive and desire to better themselves regardless of their sex/gender. And not belittle those who would rather cooperate to accomplish tasks on an equal footing. I prefer the latter, but understand and support the former. Reducing masculinity and femininity to yin and yang does not work for me. Be who you are, and don’t let anyone try to say your creativity is feminine or your determination is masculine. That is the dogma of gender role definition. Resist!
3. Agreed. Men do not need to defend themselves against women because to do so would be deny themselves the opportunity to benefit from half of humanity’s camaraderie. To do so is to buy into separatism. It really bothers me to hear someone say that they have special insight into how we should cure cancer or some other social ill because she is a woman or he is a man. You are not your job title. You are not your political party. Don’t be just an ambassador of your sex identification. Be an individual with independent thought!
4. Well, I wish feminism were an attack on family values. Because family values seem to put reproduction as the highest aim of society. With a world bursting at the seams with people, placing the goals of human rights, sustainability and democracy should be far above patriarchy and family values. I believe feminism is first and foremost a pro-human rights position.
5. Beauty is irrelevant. Instead of trying to redefine kinds of feminine beauty, stop trying to be beautiful and stop buying the ridiculous beauty products foisted upon every woman and child. Get the glitzy magazines out of our schools and the offensive woman=sex slogans off of the airwaves.
6.Yes! I agree wholeheartedly!
onechosenfamily
March 13, 2012
Hi Theron,
Thank you so much for sharing your two cents. It’s neat how we both agree and disagree on many points.
1 and 2. Ascribing ‘ying’ and ‘yang’ characteristics to ‘masculine’ and ‘feminine’ and by association ‘men’ and ‘women’ is a little weird. I was looking at Myers-Briggs typology (developed by Isabel Briggs Myers and her mother Katharine Cook Briggs) and this system described personality differences on the levels of introversion vs. extroversion, sensing vs. intuition, feeling vs. thinking, and staying open to possibilities vs. making decisions. Now in a ying/yang analysis of what is ‘feminine’ and ‘masculine’ would say, in my view, that women would have a higher tendency to be extroverted, intuitive, feeling, and open – with men being more introverted, sensing, thinking and decision-oriented. And that’s just not true. I’ve seen some studies that show more extroversion among women, but larger studies that don’t. Also there is some evidence that ‘feeling’ people are 60% female. Though researchers in these studies do expect that cultural norms may attribute for some of the gender bias.
So on the personality level, women are NOT more likely to be intuitive than men. Men are NOT more likely to be introverted. And maybe women are slightly more likely to make decisions based on feelings rather than analysis – but it isn’t a huge difference. Women are just as likely as men to prefer remaining open to information and postpone decisions, while men are just as likely as women to be more decision-oriented.
And yet! What are the qualities that make up the polarity of male and female – besides anatomy? What are the bonuses of being a woman or a man? From the whole spectrum of hormonal to spiritual, I believe there is something deep and fulfilling that we can tune to, that we can harness, that we can revel in, that has to do with embodying femininity and masculinity. It’s beautiful and I believe it must be rediscovered.
3. I agree that we need to find ourselves independent of cultural of societal definitions. I say lets bring the pure aspects of femininity and masculinity back in our minds as aspects of ourselves.
4. Family values need not be equated with reproduction. When we embrace fully values, our entire community becomes a family.
5. Beauty is vital. Beauty makes life a rich and fulfilling experience. Women can and do inspire beauty through their bodies. Women would be better off not “trying” to be beautiful, but by allowing their natural radiance to shine through. Let us be beautiful as the waterfall is beautiful. As the flower is beautiful. As the ocean is beautiful. Just by being what they are.
We all are absolutely beautiful when we simply are.
And a very tuned eye sees beauty everywhere.
Dr. Joan Koster
April 1, 2012
Thanks for sharing these important insights. It is important to remember that gender is a cultural construct and that each person has elements of gendered personality along a continuum and that our place and our role on this continuum changes as we develop, learn, and mature. We do not live in a male/female world. We live in a world of people.
onechosenfamily
April 2, 2012
Well put!
onechosenfamily
April 2, 2012
Yet in order to come to peace as people and as individuals, we need to have the freedom to embrace all aspects of ourselves – which includes the aspects we call feminine and masculine.
screwfeminismfuckbitches
October 25, 2012
too long, didn’t read
Tracy
December 12, 2012
Thank you for pointing out that the feminine should have a place in society. Too often insults are based on feminine characteristics “don’t be such a girl” or “you [blank] like a girl”. This is mainstream, knee jerk misogyny and needs a bit of chipping away by individual efforts. I admire your post, keep up the good work!
Zap
March 11, 2013
As long as there will be feminist assholes who want to tell the world HOW to live, we’ll never stop fighting you bastards !
You try to censor and mold the world to YOUR liking. We’ll see about that, cowards !
onechosenfamily
March 11, 2013
Feminism is about fostering a world where everyone can be exactly who they are (masculine, feminine, gay, straight, black, white, etc) without being reprimanded or bullied or convinced they are inferior (subtly or overtly) by their community or society at large. It’s not about name-calling or fighting bastards – that’s your gig, apparently.
Dean Moriarty
August 7, 2013
What you’ve described here isn’t feminism, it’s humanism. Feminism is a Women’s Movement. Please don’t use linguistic sleight of hand to deny this.
@sarahlynnparker
August 8, 2013
Sure. I would say in each wave of feminism, it has ideologically approached humanism. There is still value in calling it feminism instead of humanism, as long as the value of women is underrepresented in our society. If the structure of priviledge leaned the other way, we would certainly need to call it manism.
TW
August 7, 2013
I hate to be the messenger, but this article is bunk. It better describes what is sometimes refered to as the men’s movement (eg; www . ncfm . org). Feminism, just to give several examples out of many, has resisted acknowledging the problem of false accusation of rape, longer prison sentences for men and the battered man. This, despite the overwhelming amount of research that has been done in all of these areas. And it has resisted true joint custody legislation in divorce.
Men’s organizations, on the other hand, have never sought to do away with mothers and have
always encouraged the involvement of women within and outside of their organizations.
Feminism is about brute power and, in practice, it uses stereotypes and hatred against men to attain its goals.
@sarahlynnparker
August 8, 2013
The issues you bring up where men are victims of injustice and hatred are serious, important and inseparable from the issues described in this article. We don’t get out of this conflict until we are all clean of it, on all sides. What would that look like? I invite this kind of visioning, and believe that motivated this old blog entry.