Why am I Still Here?

Posted on March 31, 2012

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Flowers in a field, which way are you facing?

So after kind of bashing the legitimacy of spiritual seeking online, I’m still here and planning to write about spiritual topics. And Myers-Briggs.

But why? Why bother?

Why does anyone blog?

1) Because I do viscerally feel connected with people online. 

My feelings about blogging – my blogs and other people’s – are real to me. I feel them in my guts, heart, throat. However ‘virtual’ this reality, my own reactions are real to me. (If you want to get existential, you can see that as a microcosm of my whole life, or our whole lives: whatever we choose to feel is what is real for us).

I may be filling in a lot of blanks about the people I meet and read about online with my optimistic imagination, but even in real life, how often do we actually see people for who they are? 90% of what we see is a reflection of our own beliefs and judgements. Maybe that’s 100%! Certainly that’s what A Course in Miracles teaches.

2) Because I miss writing.

I used to do it a lot. Short stories, later poetry, and somewhere along the way (in the middle of doing a BSc, actually) I decided that creative fiction was not worthwhile and switched my interests to journalism. Which I later concluded was not worthwhile either.

This must be part of my coming full circle – like the sunflower turning back for sunrise again.

3) Because I was told to.

I listed my top interests and projects and then tried to shut off my reasoning brain and allowed my intuition to check off which were the most important for me to tackle, right now. When I looked back down at the page I was baffled – why would starting a blog get the most checks? What good could that be, compared to the more tangible, useful, or money-earning things on my list?

I’m still wondering that.

4) Because I live on an island.

It is really nice to be part of a greater conversation, beyond my house on our little island (where I spend most of my time, with my 2-yr-old).

I miss university for this quality. I want to renew my ‘in-the-loop’ membership please!

5) Because I’m learning about myself and the world.

I’m learning about my own lingering (and embarrassing, really) needs for both validation and creative expression. I’m learning about excitement, humour, insight, and heart-break that I read about through the blogging community. I’m learning that I still get upset when someone gets freshly pressed and I don’t think they deserve it (hahahHAHAHA!) just like I did in kindergarten when another kid got an “undeserved” gold star from the teacher.

It’s really beautiful.

The more good and grimy stuff that gets stirred up in this process, the more I will be able to perceive the areas in me where I am still stuck, areas that are pitted against the path of peace, that cry out the anthem of our separation from other people in this world (who also have feelings in their guts, hearts, and throat).

So someone please leave some nasty comments so I can get all upset and then forgive it. I dare you.

I’ve got a handful of posts that are being synthesized in this skull of mine, let me know which ones interest you:

  • How Myers-Briggs saved my life (or some other non-exaggeration of the amazingness of personality typing)
  • Is there such thing as friendly competition?
  • Sacred Economics: just a lofty idea?
  • The Activations of Different Chakras in Sex (got to figure out a more racy title for that)

All for now! Luke and I are going nettle picking 🙂

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Posted in: Blog